Defintely born · Milk based

SEMEN

Guitar band and donkey kong experts.

Live

Upcoming shows

14/11/26NorwichThe Holloway↗ 15/11/26CoventryJust Dropped In↗ 16/11/26LeedsBelgrave Music Hall↗ 17/11/26LondonThe Social↗ 18/11/26LondonThe Social↗ 19/11/26BedfordEsquires↗ 20/11/26NottinghamBilly Bootleggers↗ 21/11/26ManchesterThe Yard↗

Previous shows

October 29th - Nottingham, Rough Trade
October 28th - Birkenhead, Future Yard
October 27th - London, The Social

July 21st - London, The Finsbury
August 17th - Norwich, Arts Centre (w/Besnard Lakes)

May 10th - London, Bull & Gate, Kentish Town
May 13th - Portsmouth, Edge of the Wedge
May 16th - Norwich, Arts Centre
March 8th - London, Camden Barfly

December 2nd - London, CAMP Basement with The Early Years
July 22nd - Stamford, Mama Lizs

November 20th - Audioscope, Jericho Tavern, Oxford
September 16th - Norwich, Arts Centre with Serena Maneesh
September 15th - London Lexington
September 13th - Birmingham, Flapper
July 22nd - London, The Flowerpot
May 20th Liverpool Sound City
May 6th - Oxford Jericho
May 5th - Portsmouth Edge of The Wedge
May 4th - Brighton Freebutt
May 3rd - Manchester Night & Day
May 2nd - Nottingham Bodega Social
May 1st - Leeds Live at Leeds at the Library
April 30th - Cambridge Haymakers
April 17th - Locomotiva Festival, London
April 9th - Norwich, Arts centre
March 22nd - London Lexington, Sonic Cathedral
March 11th - Leicester, Firebug

December 9th - Highbury Garage, London
July 5th - Norwich Arts Centre
May 20th - London, Buffalo
April 25th - Norwich, Arts Centre
April 22nd - Club NME Brighton, Coalition
April 11th - Glasgow, King Tuts
April 4th - Bishops stortford, Club Blub At Half Moon
April 3rd - Cambridge, Portland Arms
February 19th - London Ica with Asobi Seksu
January 29th - London, Camden Barfly

December 6th - Norwich Arts Centre with ILikeTrains And Jenniferever
October 11th - Germany, Cologne Live Music Hall with Deus
October 10th - Switzerland, Basel, Volkhaus with Deus
October 8th - Switzerland, Lausanne, Les Docks with Deus
October 7th Austria, Vienna Arena with Deus
October 6th - Czech Rep, Prague, Abaton with Deus
October 4th - Germany, Hamburg, Markthalle with Deus
October 3th - Germany, Berlin, Postbanhof with Deus
September 27th - Barcelona, Razzmatazz
September 26th - Norwich, Arts Centre
September 25th - London, Water Rats
September 24th - Cambridge, Portland Arms
September 23rd - Leicester, The Charlotte
September 21st - Brighton, Freebutt
September 20th - Manchester, The Deaf Institute
September 18th - Glasgow, The Captains Rest
September 17th - Newcastle The End
September 16th - York, City Screen Basement
September 15th - Hertford, Marquee
September 14th - Oxford, Bullingdon
September 13th - End Of The Road Festival
September 12th - Nottingham, Bodega Social
September 5th - Windsor, Firestation Arts Centre
August 15th - Green Man Festival
August 14th - London, Cargo
August 9th - Frankstock Festival, Norfolk
July 5th - York, Junction
July 4th - Leeds, Cockpit
May 27th - London, Dublin Castle Club Fandango
May 26th - Cambridge Portland Arms
May 25th - Norwich Arts Centre Album Launch Party. with Dj Sets From The Early Years
May 24th - Birmingham Flapper And Firkin
May 23rd - Paris Point Ephemere with Duke Spirit
May 16th - Bristol Louisiana
April 28th - Norwich Arts Centre with Ulrich Schnauss
April 25th - Oxford Oxjam - The Wheatsheaf
February 19th - London Industry Club Ac30 with Exit Calm

November 27th - London Dublin Castle Club Fandango
October 6th - Nottingham Social with Iliketrains
October 5th - Norwich Arts Centre with Iliketrains
October 4th - Colchester Arts Centre with Iliketrains
October 3rd - London Scala with Iliketrains
October 2nd - Hereford Marquee with Iliketrains
October 1st - Cambridge Soul Tree with Iliketrains
August 10th - Norwich Arts Centre with Dead Meadow & Magoo
July 12th - London Metro with strange Death Of Liberal England
June 3rd - Oakfield Social Club, Reading. with The Early Years
June 2nd - Cellar Bar, Oxford. with The Early Years
May 30th - Industry, Shoreditch, London
February 3rd - Norwich Arts Centre

October 20th - London Kings Cross Water Rats
October 13th - Nottingham Junction
October 7th - Oxford Wheatsheaf
September 15th - Norwich Arts Centre
September 3rd - London Social W1
July 15th - Norwich Chapelfield Gardens
June 30th - Norwich Arts Centre
May 19th - Kings Cross Water Rats
March 9th - Norwich Marquee
April 1st - Barnsley Old Number 7
March 31st - Nottingham Social
March 25th - Norwich Arts Centre
March 11th - Norwich Alibi (Acoustic Set)
March 4th - Oxford Cellar Bar

December 13th - 93 Feet East, London
November 28th - Arts Centre , Norwich
November 9th - The Legion, Old st, London
November 6th - The Marquee , Norwich
October 28th - Sound!@The Nags, Nuneaton
October 21st - The Water Rats, Kings Cross
October 15th - The Fenton, Leeds
October 1st - Ferryboat, Norwich
August 30th - The Alibi, Norwich
August 10th - Nambucca, Holloway Road
July 31st - Wombat In The Park, Norwich
June 18th - The Macbeth, Hoxton
April 21st - Bull And Gate, Kentish Town
March 29th - Betsy Trotwood, Farringdon
April 1st - Ferryboat, Norwich
March 6th - Mansfield, The Mill
February 18th - Club 85, Hitchin
February 15th - The Ferryboat, Norwich
February 5th - The Fenton, Leeds
January 25th - The Ferryboat, Norwich
January 11th - Water Rats, Kings Cross

November 19th - Arts Centre, Norwich
November 12th - Wheatsheaf, Oxford
November 1st - Arts Centre, Norwich
October 12th - Water Rats, Kings Cross
September 30th - Sound, London
September 29th - Ferryboat, Norwich
September 25th - Cellar Bar, Blackburn
September 24th - Mill, Mansfield
September 3rd - Arts Centre, Norwich
September 2nd - Waterfront, Norwich
August 27th - Lockstock, Norwich
August 19th - Hope And Anchor, Islington
August 17th - Ferryboat, Norwich
July 27th - Arts Centre Cafe Bar, Norwich
June 3rd - 93 Feet East, Brick Lane
April 29th - Arts Centre, Norwich
March 31st - Waterfront, Norwich
March 30th - Dublin Castle, Camden
March 15th - Bull And Gate, Kentish Town
February 23rd - The Nelson, Norwich
February 19th - Kafe Da, Norwich

Setlist from setlist.fm ↗

Contact

MAILING LIST

Recordings

semen

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“A haunting, urethral, blancmange that has the qualities of a leaky mince pie… dreary but deliciously fuzzy fuzz spreads out like a fat man unfolding into a plastic seat with infectiously hammy melodies.” Record Chugger

“Shouts like a thousand angry women in the clear night sky.” Drowned in Pickle

“You always sensed that underneath the quiet/loud, beautiful/abrasive Mogwai-ish noise there were muffled fart sounds trying to get through. Now, on their third album, they finally unleash them.” Uncut Potato

“Incredible second album from Norwich's finest mong-mongers.” NIGEL FABERGÉ EGG - note direct contracdiction with above that states it the third album

“Cascading torrents of gravy… sumptuous vocal harmonies and wimpers about wet shoes… 'I thought I saw you inside a pie' ticks all the right post-rock boxes, but none of the left, indicating a severely unbalanced personality profile, bordering on pyschotic.” Plopsound

reviews.html

semen reviews

semen - We changed the colour of our website because we kept getting beaten up in the street

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Gig review: Madge Bishop twisted ankles night at the Rose and Oil filled Radiator, Kentish town.

semen live with Dappy — he's always up for a laugh — semen live with Dappy — not terrible

First things first, the last time I we saw semen play a gig at this venue back in 2005 they somehow managed to render themselves senseless by fusing hot omelletes onto their faces minutes before they went on stage. This resulted in them not being able to sing or see, or most importantly breathe, so this time they had little to live up to, musically at least. I had been promised that this time it would be different. In fact a clause in their current contract actually prohits them from going within 50 miles of an egg (or eggs). My level of anticipation was low; I had forgotten about the gig completely, however when they walked on stage it was clear that they had arrived (on stage). There was no mistaking whether they were on stage or not. Not unless you really wanted to deceive yourself, and I didn't have time for that as the gig was about to start. Unfortuately the next seven minutes were catastrophically quiet with sound levels at an obscenely non-existent sound level, about the same noise output as a wasp, a fact that became even more apparent when one of my eyelashes fell on the floor and people standing next to me 'shhhhd' me. Things started to look up when there was a surprise appearance by Dappy (formerly two thirds of bloody N-Dubz). However he is such a very small man that Semen had to lift him onto a wooden box near the drums, where he stood for the rest of the gig, unable to reach the microphone with his tiny hands. The set list featured both a good mix of old Semen favourites ('Ode to Mike Steamdeath', 'Regurgitated plastic peanuts', 'Opened up my skull', 'Bizarre muff triangle', 'Snoop doggy dog repellent', 'Norwichification' and 'I cried when I couldn't find a teaspoon') and no-one's favourites from their new album ('I watched the mugging with you', 'Our lost stuff', 'St. Bumhole', 'No teabags song', 'Learn to love the smell', 'Not coming back until you clear up the breakfast things' and 'Wasted gas'. By the end of the night I had successfully removed all of my remaining eyelashes without anyone in the audience noticing so this, plus the fact that I could hear their songs, certainly implied that volume levels had increased. In summary? Too noisey.

Note to editor:

semen's new album 'Where's all my stuff?' released under the 'twelve naughty sausages' label was produced by legendary hip-hop producer Sean 'Buffalo Toilet Shoes' Henderson III. "We don't think it's his real name, but it's what it says on his gas bill - and he does use an amount of gas consistent with a legendary music producer, in fact he's quite wasteful - so we're convinced it's him" advised Mandrake Pantaloons.

gig review, uea cumsplash @ the gravyboat, norwich, 31/05/01. reviewed

'pants of isolation' part1 (lone bone) 20/08/01

Finally, after most people had gone home, eyeliner wearing semen, who are certainly the most sweaty band since 'the grimpits', rocked up with their instruments glued to 5 donkeys. Their drawn-out faces may have caused nightmares in all but the most hardened of tonight's audience, but they go at it like pigtail wearing girls chasing their donkey-mounted guitars, and couldn't care less, except when their pints got kicked over. And they do it so very well, considering that they are all heavy drug users (hormone replacement mainly, but some non-prescribed bastards too). Any band with the confidence to blend one carrot and one of the audiences hands into a delicious drink, as they do live, are obviously not in control of their collective brain, which they keep inside the head of sedge flemstone (he's the one hardwired into the effects pedal). The last time I saw semen live, the gig was cancelled after they finished up on the floor while attempting to do the gig from inside eggcups. This time they got slightly further. They used their three-stringed guitar line-up (one each) as best they could to coax out a mouse that was apparently hiding inside one of sebastian dull's floor toms and followed that with some underworld esque chanting "im so bloody brown, call me mr.chocolate... chocolate... chocolate... let me out of your bloody kitchen, then make me designated driver" that was then buried by a minutes silence until someone sniggered. "It's all about control", cried Stephan as he was wheeled away on a sack trolley (the type used for moving sacks). During their closing number, they manage a jaw-dropping switch of sex and smacked-out each other with hammers. Totally, unexpected but good - the kind of moment that leaves me with a huge plaster plastered across my face. A really smart way to end a night, but why so much masturbation? Four tracks, No songs. And thankfully, anesthetic was supplied free of charge (in tablet form).

Track-by-track review

Track 1 spends half an hour to build up to its biscuit grating climax, by which time a funeral procession went past my car window and I was asked not to park blocking the entrance to the church, but a guest appearance by Shirley Bassy, thumping toms with stale french sticks heralds the arrival of a semi-audible chicken being strangled by... yes, you guessed it - sedge flemstone. Subdued tuts and mutters about wet shoes, recorded accidently, conclude the first track in what can best be described as an anti-anticlimax, of shit. The second track is called 'Kinetically Inept Fishmonger'. It's a touch on the dark side maybe, but the downright evil drumming should only offend cat owners and lemon-fanciers. The track climaxes in a bout of all-out egg warfare, but by that time I had fallen asleep at the wheel of my 1.6L Renault Espace, and was tailgating a bread lorry. Track 3 slithers in gloomily like an invisible, but mental king cobra, trying to climb up your leg, but then giving up and just biting you on the balls. The guitars engaging in some minor coiling-up when flemstone and pantaloons both wanted to stand next to the window. Then the chord hits (I think it's D# major), and the buzzing FX fury (from phil's pedal) is reminiscent of a childhood beating in a woods. If they were exorcising Godspyjamas-style mood rock, it would be much better. Nice. Track 4 opens with a cough, the noise leaching away to reveal a stark early-low piece belch, which is luckily not followed through with a vomiting (as found on spatula's debut outing). The song subsides into a dual vocal harmony, one singing in latin about an unfairly judged trampoline competition, the other demanding better pay for monkeys in the french armed forces, in french of course! These are framed by a mr.sheen style guitar sparkle 'n' shimmer, before abruptly shifting into a noisy pumpkin pummeling with someone still moaning about their wet shoes. A lot of ground to cover in the space of a single song, true, but they all have disproportionately large feet. Track 5 closes the demo-git like a grumpy greek man in stained overalls shutting a kebab shop after a fight breaks out. semi-good north-sea-gas powered guitars holding the vocals floating aloft, until someone carelessly lit a match. BANG! A real blast from the bumgrazing past, but imbued with genuine oak from the HMS Victory, and a sachet of shake-and-vac to boot. Lots going on, and a willingness to let things take shape at their own pace, even if that is the shape of robert maxwell (before he died). I measured the cd and found it to be 3mm smaller than most - apparently rew spent weeks with a nail file achieving this effect. Really quite accomplished considering his own nails are 60cm long on average. Really - That bad!

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SEMEN

Live

Upcoming shows

Previous shows

Contact

Recordings

FIST
FIGHT
MEN

semen powered by Marmite

Bloody semen / Bloody News

semen gigs

august 81th 2005

january 101rd 2007

And don’t forget…

semen reviews

Gig review: Madge Bishop twisted ankles night at the Rose and Oil filled Radiator, Kentish town.

Note to editor:

gig review, uea cumsplash @ the gravyboat, norwich, 31/05/01. reviewed

Track-by-track review

semen photos

Sebastian Dull’s photographicals

"Egg Delivery Service Guaranteed before 9am the next day"

"Half past Cock"

"Liebenrau Leuvenum 2 , Handicapp Boy 1 "

"Roy Castle and the Temple of Gooseberries "

"Anobum vs.Captain Inflatable Wolf"

"5 + 1 = Apples, apples, apples, apples"

"Feet wars"

"Inhale my 12 standard sausages"

"Mother, you really should put some clothes on if you're going to use your arse as a duster"

semen back catalogue

i require more juice (ep)

mike steamdeath (ep)

are you moist?

can mongs cook beans? (ep)

pandora's arsehole

will you visit my grave if i die of syphilus, you cock? (ep)

too many drug parties

i thought i saw you inside a pie

where the smell of sweaty balls gets in

SEMEN

Upcoming shows

Previous shows

FISTFIGHTMEN

Bloody semen / Bloody News

august 81th 2005

january 101rd 2007

And don’t forget…

Gig review: Madge Bishop twisted ankles night at the Rose and Oil filled Radiator, Kentish town.

Note to editor:

gig review, uea cumsplash @ the gravyboat, norwich, 31/05/01. reviewed

Track-by-track review

Sebastian Dull’s photographicals

"Egg Delivery Service Guaranteed before 9am the next day"

"Half past Cock"

"Liebenrau Leuvenum 2 , Handicapp Boy 1 "

"Roy Castle and the Temple of Gooseberries "

"Anobum vs.Captain Inflatable Wolf"

"5 + 1 = Apples, apples, apples, apples"

"Feet wars"

"Inhale my 12 standard sausages"

"Mother, you really should put some clothes on if you're going to use your arse as a duster"

i require more juice (ep)

mike steamdeath (ep)

are you moist?

can mongs cook beans? (ep)

pandora's arsehole

will you visit my grave if i die of syphilus, you cock? (ep)

too many drug parties

i thought i saw you inside a pie

where the smell of sweaty balls gets in

FIST
FIGHT
MEN